My Dutch Dream

I smoke a lot these days (naturlijk in Amsterdam!) and have learned more about coffeeshops in the last 4 months since all my 20 holidays here over the last 10 years. Mind you, I’ve probably smoked more joints in the last 4 months than I ever have in my entire life too!

I see a lot of moronic customers, so many that it honestly beggars belief sometimes how stupid the human race can be.

First of all, remember that a coffeeshop is a business and relies on turning over customers. Don’t expect to be able to buy a drink and then stay for 4 hours. How would you feel if you owned such a business? So if you visit a coffeeshop, buy a drink. You might see the sign: “consumptie is verplicht” which means essentially the same thing (consumption is required).

Personally, I used to have such a parched throat that I would buy one drink per joint. My friend guzzles drinks and would have two per joint. These days I make one drink last for two joints. Any more joints than that and I’d frankly be taking the piss out of the establishment.

Weed purchase is not obligatory. Any good place will let you bring your own weed and smoke it, so long as you buy a drink as I already indicated. Any place that requires you to buy weed to gain entry should be avoided unless you have some other good reason to be there.

So what happens if you buy some weed? It’s a big purchase so is that enough? No. Time and time again I see tourists coming in and buy one bag of weed for eight people! This is ridiculous! Imagine if you owned that business – you’d go bankrupt in no time at all! Drinks are still expected but at the end of the day, if 8 people only want 5 drinks then you can let it slide, of course – just use common sense.

Lastly, please remember that you are representing your country while on tour. I won’t mention names of countries but there are many stereotypes and generalisms that can be observed and are well known by coffeeshop staff. With some particular European countries, 95% of the time you can predict their shitty attitude, it’s not even racist to say so – it’s reality! You see the best and the worst of a nation through the tourists so please be polite and treat the place good, as if it were your friend’s place. Please no spitting on the floor or in ashtrays (yes, this happens!).

Enjoy your smoke in Amsterdam!