I’ve mentioned before how I learn new Dutch words by watching English language TV with Dutch subtitles.

Now I often watch Animal Planet but most of the time these days it is one of those programs that only loosely fits the definition – sort of like “When Animals Go Crazy” or something like that.

But the good thing is that most of the program will be an interview with a person describing what happened (and showing a video reconstruction at the same time).

This means I can pick up lots of common verbs in the past tense, an area I need to build on anyway.

Maybe this tip will be useful for others too.

This certainly made me chuckle!

It started the night before when I was about to leave centrum for home after a few joints (of course). I adjusted the tension on the rear brake and the first time I tested it, the cable broke!

I was left with a front brake that has been locking up lately due to the rain/rust meaning I have to reset the cable after each use with my foot.

Anyway I made it home alright and rode back into centrum with no problems yesterday.

That is, until I was one minute away from the bike repair shop. I saw a pink scooter coming the opposite direction and I was beside my friend so I overtook him to leave room on the left of the bike path for the scooter.

But the dumbass scooter rider decided to turn left without indicating. At one point all I saw was the scooter ahead of my bike and we were sure to collide.

But somehow I swerved and me and the bike hit the ground. It turned out that the remaining brake cable also broke (damn old bikes!). Luckily I was OK with only a scraped knee (incredibly my jeans were untouched!) and a bruised shin. My hands were fine and the bike was otherwise undamaged apart from a bent mudguard I bent back into place.

I haggled with an Indian guy in a bike rental shop to replace the cables for 20 Euro. Not bad, all in all.

Be careful on your bike in Amsterdam and don’t take any dumb risks like me!

Amsterdam tram

Wherever you are in Amsterdam, you always see crazy things. I mean, when you’re on holiday and you see crazy stuff happen in the tourist zones, it’s pretty normal. I smoke often near centrum and all the time you see tons of weirdos – and the coffeeshops especially seem to attract them!

But even elsewhere you see your fair share of weird things happening.

Yesterday I was taking the tram home and a Spanish couple got on and swiped their OV-chipkaarts on the reader.

Although you can get a weekly pass or a stored value pass, many tourists who enter only with money end up getting a one hour or four hour type pass that you can throw away after.

Anyway, her card works but his does not (the light goes red instead of green). The conductor explains that his card is not valid.

There then ensues a stupid argument which frankly was not helped by the typical Dutch customer service the guy received (no empathy, stone face, matter of fact, raised aggressive voice by the Dutchman despite not feeling personally insulted).

The Spanish guy eventually realised that he could not travel with this card and even his wife started to hand over 5 Euro but he prevented her from doing so.

Eventually, they got off at the next stop.

* * *

Now the conductor and a passenger he had been chatting with (40ish old Dutch guy in a wheelchair, looked homeless to me) had a good laugh and discussion about this. Even the driver was laughing as the conductor talked to him via the intercom.

The tram then stops in Leidseplein and the wheelchair guy needs to get off. Some similarly aged Dutch guy decides to offer his help. So gracious is he that he turns down the offer of assistance from the conductor, even when the conductor has jumped out of his seat and is ready to press a button that lowers the wheelchair with some kind of mechanised ramp or step.

The wheelchair guy doesn’t exactly refuse his help but he keeps telling him to be very careful while lowering. The way down to the ground is much more than anticipated and there comes a point where the chair is dropped about half a foot or so. No real harm done.

But the wheelchair guy goes absolutely nuts and starts shouting at the guy continuously for 30 seconds until the tram departs. I feel sorry for the guy who offered his help and got abuse but he did go a bit too far.

And afterwards the driver is laughing his tits off when the conductor tells him!

A typical night in Amsterdam, no doubt!

picture credit

I see a lot of moronic customers, so many that it honestly beggars belief sometimes how stupid the human race can be.

First of all, remember that a coffeeshop is a business and relies on turning over customers. Don’t expect to be able to buy a drink and then stay for 4 hours. How would you feel if you owned such a business? So if you visit a coffeeshop, buy a drink. You might see the sign: “consumptie is verplicht” which means essentially the same thing (consumption is required).

Personally, I used to have such a parched throat that I would buy one drink per joint. My friend guzzles drinks and would have two per joint. These days I make one drink last for two joints. Any more joints than that and I’d frankly be taking the piss out of the establishment.

Weed purchase is not obligatory. Any good place will let you bring your own weed and smoke it, so long as you buy a drink as I already indicated. Any place that requires you to buy weed to gain entry should be avoided unless you have some other good reason to be there.

So what happens if you buy some weed? It’s a big purchase so is that enough? No. Time and time again I see tourists coming in and buy one bag of weed for eight people! This is ridiculous! Imagine if you owned that business – you’d go bankrupt in no time at all! Drinks are still expected but at the end of the day, if 8 people only want 5 drinks then you can let it slide, of course – just use common sense.

Lastly, please remember that you are representing your country while on tour. I won’t mention names of countries but there are many stereotypes and generalisms that can be observed and are well known by coffeeshop staff. With some particular European countries, 95% of the time you can predict their shitty attitude, it’s not even racist to say so – it’s reality! You see the best and the worst of a nation through the tourists so please be polite and treat the place good, as if it were your friend’s place. Please no spitting on the floor or in ashtrays (yes, this happens!).

Enjoy your smoke in Amsterdam!

• Work on my business. My no. 1 priority.
• Work on my Dutch.
• Work on my other self-development projects.
• Join a language class.
• Join another activity where people meet regularly.
• Get drunk and stoned.

The cool thing about the first five bullets is that they are all activities that can be called “investments” in me. They will have near term and long term payoff which is good.

The last gives nothing but pure fun and pleasure but nevertheless is also essential.

Also, as an exercise, I will try to write some posts in Dutch from now on. For today, a simple translation will do. It will show you all the holes in my vocabulary!

Nu meteen, voel ik goed, het was vier maand geleden/geweest (?) dat heb ik hier wonen. Maar er is te kleine tijd, niet genoeg tijd voor alles dat ik moet doen. Boven is iets dat it moet doen:

• Werk meer! Mijn nummer 1 prioriteit!
• Leren meer Nederlands.
• Andere werk voor mezelf.
• Inscrijven op een groep om Nederlands te leren.
• Andere activiteits (?)
• Zijn gestoned and gedronken!

De eerste fijv puntjes zijn activiteits dat ik neem “investments”. Deze betaal me nu en in de futuur.

De laatste is puur plesier mar heb dit nodig!

I’m living with a Dutch guy at the moment who we have barely seen because he is always away on some kind of camping or adventure. Here’s what he had to go through so far:

• First he had to complete a one day drinking adventure, going to various bars around centrum and drinking Jagermeisters whereupon the bartender would stamp a sheet proving his participation. After one day of this, he would turn up at the opera house near Waterlooplein and find out if he was one of the lucky 50% to be accepted.
• “Luckily” for him he was accepted. He went on a 2 week camp in the middle of nowhere. He had no access to the outside world, mobile phone was confiscated. The entire time he had to wear a suit (you see these guys all over centrum if you look carefully this time of year – 18 year olds who don’t know how to “wear” a suit) and he could not wash. So 2 weeks later he comes home for barely a few hours absolutely reeking of body odor and booze and has his first wash in ages.
• Now he’s gone back again for more of the same.

Quite why someone would do all this was at first beyond me. But I guess that it is quite similar to the American fraternity scene. Get in and your social life, networks are made for life (I’ll bet your career prospects are enhanced too). Don’t get in and while you can have a more peaceful life you won’t reap any of the benefits.

And here are some more things I’ve seen while I’ve been riding around Amsterdam:

• 4 girls on a quiet canal bridge wearing “water wings”. 4 older girls instructing them to do “something”.
• A handful of guys blindfolded with duct/duck/gaffer tape and bundled into a minibus not far from where I live. If it wasn’t consensual, I’d call this kidnapping!
• Entire bars full of Dutch 18 year old chicks.
• Girls from this club chanting like football hooligans.
• and more that I can’t even remember

My flatmate tells me that his Dutch boss says that the antics here are far more extreme than those done by frat boys in USA undergoing initiation. I can believe it.

Edit: check out this video from youtube. Just type in “ontgroening studenten” (student initiation) for more:

Thing is, I know how hard it is to find a room here (using kamernet so far), so I started looking around 2 weeks ago but so far nothing. Now I’m getting a little worried, so I may have to look at much further out too. Not ideal but realistic. There’s also an additional potential complication that I can’t go into right now but basically, I need to secure something within the next 2 weeks – failure is not an option!!

Here they have a concept known as a “kijkavond”. Basically, tons of people see the room (I am now believing that there really is a house/room shortage in Amsterdam, simply due to red tape) and then one lucky punter actually gets it. So it’s a numbers game, no way out of it. I have not yet seen a single place where it is first come first served like in London.

• First place I saw was 3 girls. I thought “great” – imagining 3 svelte Dutch natural blondes. Unfortunately, they were quite boring and unattractive to me. I would not mind living with them but despite calling me back the next day the room ended up going to someone else. Anyway, the rent was in cash direct to the landlord – dodgy as fuck and everyone was telling me not to take it.
• Second place I saw was around 5 days ago. Same district where I am now (Watergrafsmeer). Couple of guys who are students at the nearby Science Park. Nice guys but someone else got the room.
• Third place was a decent place with 2 other Dutch guys. Nice guys and I would definitely move in if it were not for the fact that the bedroom is really the old living room, and access to the garden is through my personal living space. I also have doubts about registering with the council if I were to have this room. If they call me back tomorrow I’ll politely decline.
• Fourth place I saw today. Nice place, nice live-in owner. I really hope I get this one. While I was there for just five minutes, 3 other people passed through!!! There are two rooms going though so I theoretically have double the chance of getting it.

Seeing another place tonight. Surely I should have some good luck soon. Tomorrow I’m going to start expanding my search. I really don’t want to live as far away as Zaandam or Haarlem but I might have to. Heck, I might even need to move to Utrecht! lol!

I got told by a local Dutch girl yesterday that the best way to get a place is via word of mouth (reminds me of getting a job) rather than relying on websites. So now I am asking around. Of course, being new to the area means I don’t know that many people so I am not expecting any magic to occur.

Wish me luck. Zeg je me: “Success!”

I’ve been stoned for a solid 3 weeks. Yes, I admit it. What can I say, I could smoke my weed again and I wanted to recreate my holidays of old, wandering from coffeeshop to coffeeshop trying all manner of new weeds and hashes.

I’ve had two sets of friends come out here to visit me which was great and I have since been smoking a few every day. Not as many as I would if I were here on holiday and staying in a hotel but maybe 6 or 7 every day.

It also means that I have been a bit lazy with work but then I was lazy with it already anyway! It’s easy to blame the gear rather than myself!

Otherwise, things have been going pretty well here.

• Popped a few spokes on the front wheel of my bike which I should really get fixed before the entire wheel fails on me.
• Pissed off the neighbors I’m sure with my copious amounts of weed smoke on the balcony (I heard that they call even a weed addict here a “junkie”!)
• Introduced one of my flatmates, a Dutchman, to his first joint believe it or not!!
• Health insurance sorted out. Fairly easy, out of the over one hundred insurers, I went with Zilveren Kruis due to their Engelse paginas. CZ is also good I hear.
• Went back to London briefly. Strangely enough, I felt a little homesick when I got back and became surrounded by all things familiar. I really did not expect that. Still, I expect to be in Amsterdam/Nederland for at least 5 years. But plans can always change, hé?
• Still picking up the odd word of Dutch here and there but not actively studying. This is definitely something I need to work on because a little daily effort would reap big rewards.
• Witnessed someone (the owner?) from a pub assaulting a tourist on their bike for riding the bike through Waterlooplein market area and through the outside seating area of the establishment. I won’t be taking my bike through that short cut anymore!

By the way, I am thinking of joining some social groups here to meet some others. Working (as little as I do) from home, I don’t have collegas to chat with. Admittedly, I am on friendly terms now with the staff at many coffeeshops but I don’t have the wallet (yet!) or the lungs to hang out regularly at these places. I also don’t want to lose my brain! Something I hope to do soon are Dutch lessons at the UvA. But not for a month or two yet. I’ll meet some interesting people no doubt, but not Dutch.

So where can I find Dutch in a social setting? People speak of Dutch social circles being quite closed and made early in life but from what I have seen here, it is not that much different to back home or most other places in the world. I will keep my eyes peeled. Mind you, the local huisvrouwen where I live do seem very friendly and always say “hallo”…

I mentioned briefly earlier about having a goal and then going for it. Sounds really cheesy, new-age crap but it does work. Being focussed on one outcome really does help you to achieve it.

Anyhow, every Englishman wants to one day own his home. It’s partly responsible for the huge housing bubble that exists back in the UK. There’s a saying that goes “an Englishman’s home is his castle”.

Anyway, I’m no different, and I have hard-wired into me a strong desire to have my own place. Now, there’s no way I could buy a house right now, I simply don’t have anywhere near the amount of funds required to even lay down a deposit, but I have made great inroads into my website building in the last 6 to 9 months and I feel that this could be a reality for me within 2 years if I work at it.

So today I went out exploring on my bike. I just picked a direction from home and followed it, and ended up in IJburg. I briefly heard of this place on the news on TV too. This place is fantastic. It reminds me of Docklands back home, except with a lot more space and with the impression of being on the sea (technically its in a lake).

In general, I’ve been blown away by the standard of living in Amsterdam anyway. A slower pace than in London, beautiful houses (old and new), despite globalisation there is still an abundance of independent shops, a nice place to raise a family, lack of “dodgy” areas compared to back home, cleanliness etc. But IJburg takes it to another level. I saw some amazing houses, families cooking barbecues, big canals in your back yard etc. There are even some floating houses! (and I don’t mean regular houseboats)

I checked out the IJburg entry on Wikipedia and the official IJburg website and it looks like this place is going to be developed for the next several decades (although other reports say that the 2012 finish date has been delayed??). So I don’t need to worry about not being able to get an apartment/house there within the next few years. In fact, apparently demand has not been as high as they had expected in the last year or two – my guess is to do with the current economic situation.

On a similar note, another BS myth that I’ve heard many times here is “there’s a shortage of housing in Amsterdam”. In my opinion, this is a bit of a dumb statement. In a capitalist society, the market sets an appropriate level of rent to pay. Everyone who wants a place to live can get one. Amsterdam in this respect is no different to New York to London or to any other big capital city with a high population density. But some people say to me “you must wait years to get social housing”. This may be a concern for locals and I guess social housing here is more acceptable than I am used to – back in the UK, a great many people would not live on a “council estate” even if you paid them. This is intertwined with many other complicated issues such as the English obsession with social class but ultimately, many council estates in the UK are complete dumps and ridden with crime (I know because I have lived on one). I guess it’s different here in The Netherlands – like I said earlier, when I rode around the Bijlmer earlier, it seemed like paradise compared to some parts of South-East London!!

Anyway, like I said, IJburg is really nice. It has the feel of living by the sea. There are even at least a couple of “mini-beaches” there. And today I heard some really loud music, turned out to be a sort of beach festival – Costa Del Soul.

Where I’m living now (Watergrafsmeer) is beautiful and peaceful and yet still just a 15 to 20 minute bike ride from centrum, but I think IJBurg is even better!

Photo licensed under Creative Commons: Credit